Umm...

So... slight change of plans. The more we've been thinking about Aidan's schooling situation for the fall the more 1. at peace I've been about "sending him to school" which is a good thing, and 2. questioned the choice of school we planned on sending him too... not so good, but not necessarily a bad thing either.

Last year, before I made the decision to homeschool, we applied and had Aidan test at a particular school. This school has THE BEST reputation, GREAT curriculum, GREAT athletics, lots of kids from our church go there, it's connected with the seminary that Darren is attending.... I could go on and on. Well, when Aidan was tested, they said he wasn't ready for kindergarten, that he would struggle keeping up etc... So, like any parent I know, I was a bit miffed. WHAT!?!? Are they kidding, Aidan not ready? Whatever. So, that along with several other reasons propelled me into homeschooling last year, and I'm SO SO SO glad that I did. I taught Aidan to read, I taught him the fundamentals of math, watched him excel and got to experience many "light-bulb" moments when he had some sort of realization and things clicked for him. Those times and memories are precious. But I'm convinced a "traditional" school setting is better suited for Aidan, at least at this point in time when considering our family dynamics.

So when we began exploring our options this year, we kind of just ignored our "original choice" of schools, because I was still a little irritated, especially seeing first hand how Aidan has grown and excelled and is just simply WAY ahead of most any graduating kindergartner I know. Along with being the "best" this "original" choice is also the most expensive. Of course, at nearly $8,000 a year, chump change right? Especially being in the midst of an international adoption. So, we searched around and found a very small, reformed Presbyterian school. Darren went and met with the headmaster and we thought we'd made a final decision. But a few weeks ago I just started feeling uneasy, I don't know why really, and then I started thinking: Why did we make this choice? Did we let finances dictate this situation? As there is a $2000 tuition difference. Can you put a price on your child's education? Am I just too miffed to send Aidan to the school we had picked out last year? Because that's not the right reason to send him somewhere else. Then we drove by the school on Sunday as I'd never seen it in person, and immediately I thought, how on earth can this school meet the needs of all it's children? It is SMALL, how does science work? Do they have lab rooms? What do they do for PE, I see no gymnasium? And when the kids are older there is only 2 options for sports, neither of which I can see Aidan being interested in. We knew they didn't have a registered nurse and I thought I was okay with that, but the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became, especially thinking about being gone for 3 months... I'd want him somewhere that had a nurse. Then I started thinking about our original choice, they have a full time registered nurse, they have a gymnasium, they have a large campus, all kinds of athletic programs and because they are connected with the college campus and the college campus is an International University, it has strong international ties, and I LOVE that! In fact a portion of the students that attend the Middle/High School are International students as well. THEREFORE they have an ESL program, that we could explore as an option when V comes home. AND because the school is larger they have more resources and there's a chance they could work with mild learning disabilities IF that's something we have to face. Whereas the other school, the one we thought we'd decided on is so small there is NO WAY, they said so themselves, that they could meet such needs.

Our final concern was that the school we THOUGHT we'd settled on, was definitely totally and completely reformed in it's theology and what is taught. Whereas the school we had considered last year and are now leaning towards again, is considered Non-Denominational. Now, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that, but Darren and I have had some bad experiences with non-demoninational churches being um... hookey. So.. I kind of unexpectedly found out that the lady I just LOVE and admire most at our church sends her children to this school we are now considering. That right there brought me a great sense of peace from the get go, and then we talked with her about it and our concerns regrading the theology. She told us that they never correct the student on what the student believes, but different viewpoints may be presented. For example, the difference between infant baptism and believer's baptism, but she's had her three children in the school, two of which are in the High School now and have never had an issue with the theology. Nothing at all has come up in the elementary level, and there's only been a few things that have brought about discussion with her oldest children, but it seems those "issues" are primarily in discussing the differences in way denominations worship. Nothing that would have us overly concerned by any means... And so, we are now in the process of re-applying to the school, setting up Aidan's testing for entering 1st grade, and applying for financial assistance.

And... I'm trying not to freak out about 1.my little boy going off to school, and 2. money.
Maybe my lesson this year will be to trust, and relax... as it's been the last, well, as long as I can remember..

I can't freeze time... and a big decision made. Basic ramblings.

My chubber buggie is 6 years old. He's mostly done with his kindergarten curriculum, a week left in reading/phonics and he have completed all his "mandatory" level K (and then some) work. This year has been.... interesting to say the least. I remember being petrified at the start of the school year, wondering how on earth I could ever teach Aidan anything. But... as the school year comes to a close and I look back on the year I am SO thankful for the decision I made.

The first semester-August-January was mostly awesome, we had a set routine, we both knew what to expect, and I was on top of lessons planning. Oh, and Asher was still napping. This second semester, basically since we've been back from Russia has been... less then stellar, and pretty much a constant struggle. We lost our routine, I can't seem to stay up to date on lesson plans, Asher WILL NOT cooperate unless I stick him in front of the television for 2-3 hours (because he no longer naps). Aidan has lost his focus and I've lost my patience. We went from doing daily Prayer, Pledges, Bible, History/Social Studies, English and Math, with a Science Experiment the first semester, to English and Math this second semester. Pretty much I feel like a failure this semester. Darren tries to remind me that we've had A LOT going on, Asher has had ear infection after ear infection which doesn't help anything, we had our amazing paper chase going on for the adoption dossier, but still I feel like a lousey mom and teacher. In fact I feel like I deserve the "most screamy mom" award for the last 5 months.

At the same time I look back and see, despite my feeling like an absolute loser Aidan has learned soooooooooo much! His reading astounds me, and he'll read anything and everything he can get his hands on, including his daddy's Greek text book. His math skills are impressive (I'll post more about all he's learned in the weeks to come) and his desire to learn new things and ask CONSTANT questions never cease to amaze me. And so I am so thankful I had the time, ability and opportunity to be the one who taught him to read, do math, learn about his forefathers, instruct him in the Word, teach and instill the Creation account.... and if I had been able to keep trucking along as we had the first semester, maybe making a decision about what to do next year wouldn't be so painfully difficult because I would have felt like we ended our homeschool relationship on a good note. But, instead I feel like I failed him, and Asher (because I'd get so fed up his constant interuptions and fussing, that I feel like I did nothing but yell, yell and... yell) for that matter. Because of that I feel like we're ending the year on a bad note and am afraid it's full of nothing but memories of me screaming at them. Sigh.

I don't want to send Aidan to school next year, I want to keep him home with me. But the more time I spend really thinking about what is the best decision I can make for him, the more I take into account his personality and how he functions, the more I consider Asher and add him into the equation, the more I am convinced that the best option for us is to send Aidan to school, and I HATE that. Literally, I HATE it. Oh the school he will attend is GREAT, full of Godly teachers and Christ centered curriculum, but he'll be so far away. AND I'm afraid he'll like his teachers and new school more then me... pretty selfish huh?
But again, I think about it and take into consideration that Aidan THRIVES on a schedule and consistent routine, something that Asher makes near impossible to maintain. Aidan loves to learn and absorb as much information as possible and he's incredibly social. I also take into consideration that Asher is super clingy and needy right now, does NOT like to be left alone, WILL NOT entertain himself and in all honesty I really think he needs some one on one with mom... between the adoption paperwork and time spent with Aidan I know he's "suffered" the effects, so having time to devote to JUST him will be good for the both of us I think.

Then I think, well, if what our facilitator tells us is true, and that we can expect to have a hearing (not sure if he means be assigned a court date, or actually be IN Court) in 4-5 months, then there really is no option but to send Aidan to school, as I'll be gone for 2-3 months. Also something I am feeling incredibly guilty about. But... having had Aidan need medical care during our trip in January, made me realize that I want the boys in the US for just that reason-I would want them to have access to Western medicine and Dr's they are familiar with. Plus when I return, they'll be so many changes that I think it will be VERY GOOD for Aidan to have something separate to call his own... and the time he's in school I can spend with V working with him, and also working with Asher.

Aidan was my first baby though, so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised at how difficult it is to "let him go". I told Darren last night it feels like this is the "beginning of the end"... He said "wow, your a glass half empty kinda girl". Ha. I guess I am, it's just hard to watch my baby grow up... and he's doing it so quickly.